Some people are born with mental capacities that allows them to learn so much knowledge while retaining their sanity.
Some people are capable of performings acts of benevolence relentlessly, as an ocean of love exists in their hearts.
Some people without trying, inspire others through the way they love themselves.
We never know how are we remembered. So do good, be good.
In an era where public image has never been more important, it is so easy for us to get caught up in the pursuit of perfection. There is nothing wrong with striving for excellence as it drives us to be more resilient and improves our personal productivity. However we need to be more cautious in defining the personal standard of excellence by which we measure our level of success. In most cases, our standard is heavily influenced by others’ achievement. We subconsciously tell ourselves that if we fail to achieve the same level of accomplishment as the person who influenced our personal standard of excellence, we are a failure.
Not surprising, we often pick the most extreme case of success and impose the strictest obligation for ourselves to achieve similar level of greatness. Before we know it we will develop a mindset of perfectionism. This mindset of prioritizing looking well in front of others more than challenging ourselves is destructive to our personal growth, mostly because it hinders us from taking challenges that can improve our skills at the cost of looking less smart. The trap of perfectionism is rooted in self-doubt and lack of self-confidence. We don’t realize that we already fall into this trap until we find ourselves habitually doubt our decision making ability and intelligence.
We bank on self-love and motivational book to help us get out of the trap of perfectionism, but once the perfectionist devil gets a hold of you, it is very hard to set yourself free. If personal productivity growth is what you are striving for, then putting unreasonable demands on yourself by striving to do everything perfectly is counterproductive. Instead, aim to have your own self-defined goals. Keep in mind that striving to be perfect and having a high standard are two disparate things. The pursuit of self-defined goals for personal fulfillment and growth never includes beating up yourselves when you fall through. It is important to always remember that failure is an inevitable part of progress. In fact, lack of failure in one’s life may result in prolonged period of little to no growth in personal development.
The importance of realizing the self-destructive nature of perfectionism is to prevent us from sinking deeper into the unhealthy social construct. What makes so many perfectionist don’t realize they are perfectionist is the similarity between perfectionism and having a high standard. They think they are just setting a high standard for themselves when in reality they are putting themselves through unnecessary overly critical self-evaluation. So how do you draw the line between having a high standard and being a perfectionist?
When you have a high standard, you will do everything in your capacity to meet that standard, to the extent you are not afraid of making a fool out of yourself. When you strive to be a perfectionist, however, you will avoid putting yourself in a situation where you have to perform actions that might make you look less intelligent. Being a perfectionist will turn you into a scaredy cat, being a person with a high standard will turn you into a better version of yourself.
You are what you keep telling yourself. If continuously you tell yourself that you are less of a person just because you are unable to do certain things perfectly, your mind will develop attitudes that match that thought. Over time, those attitudes will develop into a character, and that character will determine your place in the society. It is never too late to start getting rid of obsessions for perfectionism. The sooner, the better.
My chest feels so empty. I don’t know what I want. There is a roaring ocean in my heart that demands to be pacified. And I know no man in my life that could do that but Jesus. My whole life what I want to be is somebody. But now I grow up and I realize for some it is just a fantasy they can’t afford.
As I grow older it materialized to me that I’m just another one in billions. My existence is meaningless and replaceable. My heart aches knowing that I’m ugly and I wish I have something that can make me feel better about myself, like being adored by many people, or being loved by an attractive person.
Everyday the air in my lungs are being replaced with anxiety. When I close my eyes I can see the shadow of desperation, it wont leave me, it lives inside of me now. What is the way out of this? Can I live? How?
Is there a place for me in this society?
I’ve been feeling really down lately. There is this person, a renown young fashion blogger that I envied so much. She is everything I want to be. I started to hate myself because I’m nothing like her. I couldn’t be more different than her. She has what most girls want, and also something that I want to.
Then of course, the thought that I thought I had defeated creeping back into my mind.
“You are useless. You are worthless.”
I relapse into self-hatred. When will this be over?
Then this night a realization came into my mind. It materialized to me that, I don’t have to beat myself for not being able to be those idols or public figures I see on the internet.
As if I finally sobered up, it dawned to me that social media is like a chessboard. Running a social media account is like playing a chess. Every move is calculated. Every post is made with a purpose to elicit a certain reaction from you; admiration, envy, or adoration. It is a win for the famous person if he/she is able to makes you feel distinct basic emotions of happiness, interest, surprise when you look their social media. The sensation of having experiencing emotion elicitation from observing that person’s social media gives the reader a strong and sometimes unfathomable reason to come back to that person’s social media or even makes them want to find out about that person more.
I can never figure out why I always feel the need to check this person’s social media. I understand now that it is because I crave, desperately need that emotional arousal that I get when I check this person’s social media. I hate, beat myself up for not being like this person.
We grow up in a society that teaches us that these are the steps we need to take to be success; have a goal, envision yourself achieving that goal (imagine the emotional fulfillment that comes along with achieving it!), have a passion, find out the ways to achieve that, and go go go chase that dream until you die. That’s the only way to have a meaningful life, the only way you can make your existence on this earth matters! Don’t forget, have at least one of this three; money, power/glory, beauty. Better if you can have them all!
For girls, make sure you never be a attention seeker. You are a hoe, a slut, a lower human being if you crave for attentions. These people who create this rule, forget that only few handful girls in this world are lucky enough to have their need for attentions fulfilled by their parents. Some kids are lucky enough to have a healthy adolescent-parent attachment. This alone gives the kids a strong foundation to overcome whatever life throws at them. Adolescent-parent attachment is the first stone set in the construction of your identity and character. Isn’t it awful how society looks down on people, especially women who make no attempt to hide the fact that they are trying to have their emotional needs fulfilled?
It is always the pretty ones who say beauty is the least important quality, but everyone knows that without it those famous people wouldn’t be where they are now. If you can choose between adoring someone beautiful and smart, or someone ugly and smart, which one would you choose? Need me to say more? Beauty indeed is a defining quality.
You don’t need to beat yourself up for not being like those idols, those young people who are smarter, prettier, more famous than you. You only lose if you envy them. Your envy only attest to the the veracity of the effectiveness of those famous people’s PR strategies. Hell, you don’t need to worship or idolize anyone if you want to. You don’t need to have a tons of achievement to believe that your existence matters in this world. Only remember this, be useful to other.
Everything is just easier when you learn to accept it without being emotional. Like accepting the fact you don’t belong to any social groups in the society. Or the fact that you are not born with a silver spoon in your mouth. Or that your outer appearance will not benefit you in long run. It is hard at first, like a baby trying to chew a piece of meat. Eventually, that baby will overcome the obstacle, and the feeling of being inadequate will wear off. Until that, the baby will have to suffer mentally. I chose to sit out from the never ending battle of social media popularity. I can attest that the stress and feeling of inadequacy were increasing after spending too much time on social media platforms like facebook, twitter, etc. That is why I decided to deleted all of my social media account, and started reading books again. Though sadly I haven’t read anything lately, for I had vertigo.
Personally, I choose when to show my emotions and when to not. It’s quite hard because often times, I succumb to being emotional at casual events. Some people even said I wear my heart upon my sleeve all the time. Why do people, including I, prefer to be shield from other people’s judgement by being a likable person? Laugh at unfunny jokes, saying “Nice to meet you” when the person is anything but, complimenting each other though de facto, they despise each other. Is it acceptable to say that, our attitude when we are around other people, is the byproduct of what our parents have taught us? It is unfair of course to say that our parents account to every single misfortune or bad trait that happens to us.There are times when we need to man up and be responsible to what we have done. Certain things are inheritable, looks, personality, etc. But other than thereof, they are unblameable to our state of live we currently live in. Pass the buck to someone else, and you will be left with no reason to evaluate yourself.
So how does one become adept at mastering one’s emotion? First, emotion is like a flowing water. A liquid with indefinite shape, it changes accordingly to fit its container. So instead of trying to control water, change the container. If you don’t want it to spill, then use a bigger container. If you want others too see the color of the liquid, then the container must be transparent, and so forth. My favorite anime character once said, “Spilled water will never return to its container.” Not only that you have to clean the mess, the spilled water will cause reduction to the overall volume. To make this clear, what I’m trying to say is, controlling your emotion is hard, that’s why it would be wise better for you, to control your reaction towards certain situation, as your emotions will follow afterwards. The exception rule is under condition where showing emotions is needed, show a genuine one. Better is odd, imperfect smile that show genuineness rather than exaggerated one with malicious intent. Plus when you do become emotional, people will not undermine nor question the authenticity of your feelings.
Second, repeatedly say to yourself, what would you do if you’re trapped under certain social situations, to avoid committing faux pas. Nevertheless, I must say first, this action usually will not ease the shock or disappointment if the damage is already done. If the news is already heard, if the words have spread. For instance, you have told yourself that when you meet people from countries such as U.S.A, you must shake the hand of your speaking partner/people of higher authority firmly, while look at them in the eye. Even so, the inevitable, destined to be experienced, mistake takes place. Let’s just say your gripping your speaking partner hand is weak and mushy. You stuttered when you speak, and sweat like a pig. This usually generated gargantuan compunctions to yourself. The next stage is self loathing, usually get even worse when you know that you have mentally prepared yourself for this, but still can’t dodge a bullet.
Nonetheless, the aforementioned steps shouldn’t be taken as it is. I based them on my personal experience, which is different and unique for each individual. If you do consider to take my advice seriously, please be open minded towards all the things that can go wrong. All in all, enjoy life, but be careful about when to show your emotions!
An advanced apology pertaining to the absence of posts in the last few days, well, four actually.
I was absent for the last four days, because my mind was busy being distracted by a lot of things. Nevertheless, something good happened to me. I found an interesting discovery, the Quorra website. It’s a bit late, I know, but coming from a girl who was brought up where that kind of website is not popular, is quite amazing. I regain my composure now, thanks to it. It is amazing how calming finding out that you are not the only person who is going through your current problem can be.
From now on I decided that will withdraw myself from social media even more often.
Wait. . . does my goal sound familiar? Is it because it reminds you to the advice you stumbled upon when you googled on why does your life feels so meaningless, or why you have so low self esteem, or what to do with your life to make it is less pointless? I think the development of the internet in the 21st century has benefited us in a lot of ways (sounds like the thesis statement of my last semester’s essay), but I think it’s also time for us to reevaluate how we use it. My first suggestion is to try using websites or applications that motivate you, not distracting your attention. Yes you know what I’m talking about. My preferences for thereof are, pocket, news applications like flipboard or zite and so on. Please don’t think of me as the person who will diminish people who try to explain the benefits of attention distracting website cold turkey. I’m very interested in knowing other people’s opinion about something. Don’t you agree it’s such an honor when people allow you to see things from their point of view by explaining how they see it in details? It is an open invitation, which I will gladly take.
Website such as Quorra greatly benefits its users. For me, it helps me to; broaden my knowledge, deepens the capacity of my tolerance of differences, helps me to find the answers of some life questions. It helps me to remind me of myself. Who I was before all this quarter life crisis attacked. Let’s say it’s like the machete you use to clear out the way when you are in jungle. In order to have something to write, you need to experience something. All of these fears, insecurities, and confusions I experience now, I believe will help me to shape my characters. I don’t know what I will become, but now I know that you cannot reach the door at the top of the stairs by skipping some steps. You cannot reach 100 kilometers without having to running through 30 kilometer or 50 kilometer first. This is your life your journey. The only definite finish line is death. You have to keep running. You can choose to either be grumpy during the whole journey, or enjoy it. There is more to life than meets the eye. Instead of trying to find the right person that will make you comfortable, be that person. I’m not talking about dating here, I’m talking about your mental well being.
It is important to be adept at the things that you like, but it is also important to understand and love yourself first. There is a difference between being hard on yourself,and bullying yourself. I used to think that by being as mean as possible to myself, I would eventually get used to it. I would eventually grow some balls. But no, just like my other self developed discipline theories, it was wrong. See yourself as a child, your child. Would you yell at it when it does something wrong? Would you use verbally abusive words? Would you cut its skin? Or hate its nose, eyes, and lips? No, right? then why would you do it to yourself? You need to know the right type of websites or application that will ease your already heavy suffering. Pay attention to the effect of thereof to your attention and time. Do they motivate you to get your work done? Or the opposite, make you attached to it? If the latter is what is going on, you need to leave them ASAP. Nothing worth as much as your time and attention, because once something or someone gets it, it will be easier to get other thing from you.
Feel like my post speaks to you? Share it on the comment section below, let me know your thoughts!
How many times in our life have we forced ourselves to care about something, just because everyone else does?
I have too, so many times. It all begun when I still had an Instagram account. When you have an Instagram account, what else are you supposed to do other than looking at the photos of people that you follow? The statement “Instagram was created to help people keeping up with their loved ones’ life through that small device in their hand” has my utmost agreement. Albeit, do you know that it is almost impossible not to be a judgmental piece of human waste when you have an Instagram account? That was why, every time someone posted something, I tried to be happy for them. When someone posted the photo of their lunch I told myself “Aww, Nice, lunch!”. When they upload a picture of their super-romantic-candle-light-glittery-adorned-with-roses dinner, I would say “Aww, so romantic!”. When someone posted the image of them and their whole classmates taken with a selfie stick, and below it was inserted captions such as; ‘Friendship is the only unsinkable ship” or “Brother and sister from another mother” I quickly filled my mind with congratulatory words for them, lest the judgmental ones popped up first.
I always tried to be a considerate person. I wanted to make sure that I didn’t become an asshole. Yes, I’m that typical girl next door girl. I knew very clearly that the first box to uncheck from the how to be an asshole list is “be a judgmental person”. Thus, that is what I was trying to avoid.
I keep doing this until I realized I cannot take it anymore. It has begot the need to sugarcoat my thoughts, any kind of it, with positive words. Forcing yourself to feel for something that you don’t understand, not acknowledging your raw, honest self are tiring, and mental draining. Then, It dawned on me that nobody asked me to do that, to be positive and nice through and thorough. I shouldn’t have tortured myself, instead, I should have cared less. I didn’t need to make myself think in that way back then, in order to be a good person. I used to think people who said they were not like their peers were cocky. But now I get it, it was me all along who made myself thought so, nobody held a gun to my head. At some point of your life, you will realize being you is enough. We are meek to do things the society want so they can accept us, but not the things we need. We were always taught to obey the wise words of the elders, and never to believe in ourselves. This is why some people get confused and eventually looking for justification from the world (like me). The forms of this justification could be anything, a degree, the criteria of your better half, and even ways to live our life.
Let me repeat my point again, loud and clear, it is okay if you don’t care. It is okay to stop caring about things that weighing you down. Don’t punish yourself for not being perfect, we all are. Don’t hate yourself because you can’t be positive all the time. Don’t hate yourself because your current self turns out doesn’t live up to someone else’s expectation. I read a lot of self help articles recently, and I have to say it helps a lot. But because of that also, I used to hate myself, for I spent more time on reading them rather than news, which is an obligation, as I major in journalism and marketing. Then it hit on me again that, news will always be there, it will always be. No matter how hard you try to keep up, the topic will be endless. I also hate it because I feel obligated to feel something regarding to the topic delivered, again, this is exhausting.
I took some time to quit reading them, clear my mind and focus on myself. The keyword is myself. When you focus on yourself, really on the improvement of your mental well being, you will notice these changes; it becomes unnecessary to you to keep comparing yourself to your peers because you know that it will only hurt you, you are no longer obsessed in pursuing worldly things,and people ask you if you are in love (because you smile all the time!). You don’t have to completely stop caring about a lot of things. Just the ones that have constantly bugging you and starting to take a toll on your life. Believe me, It will not make you heartless or cruel, it will make you happier.
Agree or disagree? Have something else in mind? Spotting grammar mistakes? Let me know!
Seriously. Do you?
When I was younger, I thought I want to be a mangaka, the person who creates comic books. As I grow older, I realized that my dream was simply foolish. That is the thing with dream, it deludes us to think that the temporary happiness of daydreaming will last forever. Often when people get caught up in their own world of happiness, they forget the present reality, which is what I did. I was not a girl without ambition, I have a stack of how to draw books back in my room, I knew the person I wanted to be. As time passed, I realized that some dreams belong more to the person who we used to be, rather than our current selves.
For some people, altering their dream might take moxie, because it necessitates you to admit your incompetency to achieve that dream or your naivety that causes you to get your hopes high. I salute those people who have unshakable faith in their dream, or envy them actually. I am a dreamer, I think too much all the time about my dream. It was the articles in Lihefack.org, older people that I met, teachers and all of so called motivational gurus that taught me to make sure that I precisely know what I want to be, to have an achievable life goals. When we keep rethinking and over analyzing our decision, we unconsciously erode our belief in ourselves. Why people would want to do that? To save themselves, to give a forewarning about the inevitable pain. This action of protection will keep us save, yet prevent us from growing. I don’t want to be just a seed forever, I want to grow, I want to see myself bearing fruits! Don’t kill that talent you have inside of you just because you think it is not valuable, or not as significant as that of others who seem to be way ahead of you. What makes some people are mentally weak is not because they can’t encourage themselves, but because they think there is no point in pushing themselves further.
The prevention step that our scared selves takes by giving us a list of things that could go wrong I bet is already enough to stop us from doing anything further. Our whole life we are bombarded by advertisements, TV commercials, and promotions from capitalist companies, telling us what we should wear, how we should act, what we should feel. With all of these external forces, how does one know whether one’s dream, really stems from oneself or the cosmopolitanism interpellated oneself? I can’t give you the definite answer, because I’m still struggling to find it myself, but let me give you one side advice. It is not them -your parents, your teachers, peers, etc- that will live your life, it is that person you see in the mirror every single day. I say, you should take your time, read more books, talk to someone who are wiser than you, someone who you comfortable talking to, write a journal, and do the things that will hone your skills, not entertain you, like checking your social media or watching TV, to figure it out.
It is okay if you feel like you haven’t really found the perfect life goals, or you keep changing them in your mind. This is your life, live it anyhow you want. Just make sure you don’t hurt anyone in the process. I am now able to say gratitude, more often that i used to before, because I decided that I will life my life to the fullest. I will prove to myself, my inner critic, that it was wrong for saying I can’t be better than my current situation. I just have to believe in myself. The key is really that simple. Success is pledged to the allegiance of hard working people in bettering their setbacks. Ask yourself this question every night before you go to bed, what have you learned today? Have you become smarter today? Bill gates once said don’t go to sleep with the same level of knowledge you have when you wake up. Educate yourself through reading, engaging in discourse that requires critical thinking, or challenge yourself to do one brave positive thing everyday. It doesn’t matter what you hear, or watch or read every day, you are nothing until you can prove yourself! It’s your action that counts. My last advice: Don’t forget to have fun while doing thereof!
Have anything else in mind? Please let me know! Simply type in your words, on the comment section below this post!
What would you do if you are someone who has too much free time and also happens to be an introvert?
I just explained my current life situation in less than 25 words. I don’t exactly have that much of free time, but more than having none.
As a self identified introvert, I can’t help but to think all the time. At certain times, It has helped to come up with great ideas, and inspirations. Now that I’ve done it countless time, I am very confident to say it is one of those things that you should not do too often, despite of its great benefits. Problems arise when I think too much. Slowly but for very sure, I created this new hobby called over thinking. I succumb much of my sleep time to it. It has became a quotidian thing for me. And because of this, I am rewarded with much compunctions from my brain. The long history of love hate relationship I have with my brain, also does me no good.
In short sentence, over thinking has created a barrage of anxiety, worries, resentment, and other unhealthy toxic feelings inside of me. This is not something I can just shrug off, as it has taken a considerable chunk of space in my head. It camped and busy multiplying itself.
So what did I do with this?
I have to say that I’m not 100% over thinking free, even until now. I’m giving my best to stop it, although the yield is still far from the sight.
First of all, I try to analyze where does this thought come from, or what triggers it. If this is caused by unconsciously comparing myself to someone else in social media, which I often do, I will quit and delete it. Sound extreme, I know but believe me, If you think I’m going to get addicted to social media, don’t hold your breath. Finding the cause of why you over think is just as important as stopping it.
Second, I try to distract my mind from it. Doing something that necessitates you to use your brain, not saying that you don’t now, will surely do a huge favor in stopping you from thinking too much.
Do you know what will go down if you keep pouring liquid into a glass? It will spill. That is correct, here take a potato from me. Same thing will happen if you over think, the difference is, what will be spilled is your tears, it will break the dam you desperately built. You need to empty the the glass first. The third point is to pour those thoughts into words, or painting or melody, other forms of art. I usually write, but now, being constantly reminded of how long have I abandoned my sketch book and brushes, I think I will start painting again. Behaving so will help you not only to ease the pain, but also to improve your skill.
The point is to make sure that you are not forcing yourself to have a whale of time when you over think. Also don’t think that by thinking too much it will help you to somewhat be more mature and deep. It will stress you out, to the point you feel empty and depressed, so please trust me on this one (I don’t you have been denying a lot of my advice back then) and take my suggestion. There are so many other things that are more beneficial, mind improving, and less stressful you can do in your spare time rather than over think. Over think is a spitfire way to kill your mood and destroy your happiness. The pattern is you over think, starting to compare yourself to others, trying to find all of the good things that had happened to you or that you have done in your life, realizing that you have or have done none of thereof, and ended with regretting, blaming anyone whose name popped up in your mind at that time. And also one final thing, avoid anything that will add fuel to your already huge flame of negative emotions. The aforementioned ways are not the foolproof ways, if you feel like those are not right, or you have better ideas, please do leave a comment or to bellow. Your suggestion is greatly appreciated and deeply valued. I’m eager to connect with other people throughout this website, therefore please don’t be a silent reader. Thank you for reading this post, have a nice day!
Book and Poem.co 